There and Back Again

First Age
Third Age
Correspondence

Hobbits love to get notes.

Proper dwarves offer their services before they leave.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Whatever you do, I'm certain it will be lovely.

Site Meter

The Grey Havens - 04/03/2004

Long Time Gone - 22/02/2004

Only for Now - 04/02/2004

The Neverland - 19/01/2004

There's no times at all, just the New York Times - 15/01/2004

Links and Rings
No Shame Pieces
Untitled Story
Other Writings

29/01/2003 - 1:03 p.m.

Something Completely Different

Here's this week's No Shame piece. It's a little short, but I think it's long enough. I hope it goes over well, because I've got a load of other stuff in mind for this kid if she goes over well. The story happened to me, but my third grade teacher was smart enough to realise I had no idea what I'd just said and only laughed at me. It was about three years more before I knew what it was I'd said.

Scene: Bench outside an elementary school principal's office.

I think I�m in trouble, but I don�t know why. During recess, I was playing with Christi and Tony and we decided to play four square. Obviously, you can�t play four square with three people. Tony said we could just play three square, cause they played that at his old school. I wanted to play three square, but Christi said that if we didn�t play four square she wouldn�t be my friend any more. Christi�s my best friend, so I had to play four square.

Then we had to find somebody else to play with us. Megan, Shawn and Ashley S were playing on the bars, and Nicki and Ashley P were chasing Joe. They love Joe. I think all that mushy stuff is gross. Me and Tony have it all worked out for when we grow up. We�re going to buy a farm and have chickens and cows and horses and goats and Tony wants a giraffe, but I don�t think they have those on farms. We�re not going to get married. We�re just going to have the farm and be friends like we are now, because it�s disgusting to love people like Nicki and Ashley P do. But they chase Joe and they try to kiss him every day during recess.

All the rest of the boys were playing soccer in the big field with the third graders. Except for Dan, nobody plays with Dan because he smells like pee. Brandi and Tiffany were sitting on the wall because they were talking during math, so they couldn�t play. Terri�s been sick all week, so she wasn�t at school, but she�s best friends with Aimee, and so Christi said we could play with Aimee, because she wouldn�t have anybody to play with.

Tony said Aimee couldn�t play because Aimee wasn�t any good at four square and anyway he was the one that got the ball out of the mud, so Aimee couldn�t play because he said so. I got mad at that. Just because Tony got the ball doesn�t make him king of the playground. Second grade is not the British monarchy. It�s a democracy. Well, really it�s more like communism because Mrs. Jewitt is a tyrannical despot, but all us kids are equal, so we have our own sort of a democracy. Regarding a democracy, it is important to look at the work of Jean-Jaques Rousseau, and his relation to the founding of our own government. Knowing these things, we can confer that one of the duties of each citizen should be to contribute to the group in which we belong. When a member of the group needs help, it is the duty of every other member to help them. Aimee is our classmate, and a part of our democratic group, and she hasn�t got anybody to play with. As a members of the group ourselves, it is our civic duty to help Aimee by offering to play with her.

I explained all that to Tony, but he didn�t get it. So then I said if Tony wouldn�t let Aimee play four square, I�d get my Dad to beat up his Dad. Tony understood that. I went to go find Aimee, and Tony and Christi were gonna wait on the four square spot for us. If we don�t wait on the four square spot, the fifth graders steal it when they come out for recess.

I walked all over the whole playground, but I couldn�t find Aimee anyplace. Then Joe ran by with Nicki and Ashley P chasing him. So, I chased Nicki, because she doesn�t run very fast, and I caught her. She fell down, and got really angry. I said I was sorry. I helped her up and everything, and I was just about to ask her where Aimee was, but then I remembered that she and Nicki weren�t speaking to each other this week. Well, Nicki was still kinda mad that I knocked her down, even though I didn�t, all I did was catch her jacket. So I told her never mind, I�d ask somebody else. That made Nicki really mad, and she said I�d better tell her what I was gonna ask her, or she�d get her brother to beat me up. Her brother�s a fourth grader. I didn�t want to get beat up, so I asked her if she knew where Aimee was, because I couldn�t find her. So, Nicki told me where Aimee was, and then she started chasing Joe again.

I didn�t know where the place was that Nicki said Aimee was, but I figured that Christi and Tony probably knew. So, I yelled across the black top to Christi and Tony what Nicki told me.

And then Mrs. Jewitt came up behind me and took me down here to the principal�s office. But I don�t know why. What�s a whorehouse?

From the Shire, down the Anduin, to Mordor

The First Age The Third Age
The Red Book Diaryland