20/11/2001 - 6:14 p.m.

Thanks for what?

I loathe Thanksgiving. I just remembered it's the day after tomorrow, and it means going to my horrible uncle's house (where nothing is to be touched, and there's nothing to do- I know, it makes me sound about five, but when you're trapped in said house for ten hours...), and it's a chance to watch my parents decide anew they hate each other, and my father's relations go mad over the television football game. The time to have Thanksgiving is in April or May, when we actually have something to be thankful about, spring and newness and sunshine, and the upcoming summer, and baseball. In November, all we have is football and cold, grumpy, relatives. And for all of this lovliness, we get out twenty minutes early on Wednesday and Friday off.

Holcolmb loved the Grendel. I think it's probably one of the worst things I've ever written. If I get bored, I'll transfer it to disk and post it here.

My left knuckle for my first finger itches.

I absolutely hate not knowing things. Not that I have a desire to be told every little detail about something that doesn't concern me in the least- I've little use for gossip, really, but I do hate not knowing things that do concern me.

Alecs said something to me today that totally and completely caught me off guard, and I don't know what he meant by it. I don't know whether he intended to suggest that I'm an absolute snob when it comes to education, but that I didn't really have any rights to the claim, or whether he was really saying something that wasn't meant in the negative at all.

Now, he's right, I am rather snotty to people who don't know the first things about History and English, because I know there aren't many people I know who can beat me out when it comes to those subjects, and I reserve the right to flaunt my superiority: I am an epic hero, get over it (which is extraordinarily funny to people who know what an epic hero is). I figure that I do at least have the qualifications to assume that position: I get to be a self proclaimed knowledge goddess, at least as long as Brandy can remain a sex goddess, and Shiloh a theatre goddess. But to have Alecs suggest that I can't do that... Anyway, it weirds me out because I have absolutely no idea what he might've really meant.

That's the big not knowing things, but the second one is people who don't reply to mail. Questions going through my mind: Did they get it? Did they get it and I haven't got the reply? Are they getting back to me? Did I offend them? Are they just busy? What?? Now, most of this doesn't set in until about two weeks passes, but it's because I don't know. You can't get the postal service to track it (unlike Fed Ex, but with them you can't track a reply). I mean, if they hate me, or they're busy, it's no good sending another, but if something got lost somplace...I don't know, and it bothers me.