29/04/2002 - 7:26 p.m.

Goldwatch Blues

Originally, I was going to go through and say nice things about everyone. Everyone I knew- even if I'd threatened to have them castrated. Turns out, that's a very very long list. I can't do it.

Anybody interested to know how I originally found Diaryland? I'm sure some people think it was through Ren. It wasn't. On random days, I go through and type my name into a search engine- first and last. I read most of the pertinent entries. I found my name mentioned in someone's diary. It wasn't flattering. I recognised the truth in it, despite its cruelty. I don't even know who they were. I can't even find the diary anymore. I don't even remember what was written.

That same day, I started a diary. Not in revenge, no, but because I kind of thought it was a good idea. Words. Words on a screen, and if you know me, then you know me and if you don't, well, you don't.

For my own part, things are written on a 24 hour basis. I may or may not believe them the next day. However, in retrospect, I must be emotionally retarded not to realise the impact of the things I say on other people. So, then, understand these are the opinions of an emotional retard,

It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing

That's Shakespeare and later Faulkner.

However, in light of some conversation I feel that it is only fair of me to retract some statements. I've done my best, but some statements I will not retract. If anyone finds something they don't like, they can talk to me about it, send me a post card, drop me a line stating point of view, indicate precisely what you mean to say, Yours Sincerely, Wasting Away.

Ah geeze. Sorry, I realise it's not a musical (no, we're definately going for Shakespearian tragedy here)- but not that it wouldn't be easier, burst out into song at the end and live happily ever after.

Anyway, I'll remove it or I'll give you a reason. It's not in my power to kill anyone. I would probably even lose a physical fight with anyone who wanted to pick one. Remember that and approach me, I am not unapproachable.

I will use names. I don't want to pick false names and have everyone thinking I hate everyone. That's worse than calling people by their real names- then no one knows.

I wish that people would not take things personally. I wish that I could fix on a point of view and go with it, but I can't. I'm trying. Can this please be a part of my trying? Can we let what has been be? If I've hurt anyone, I'm sorry. I really am, I didn't realise it. I'll try, but I'll have you know that it's going to be difficult for me. Understand the position I'm in.

Another note. I turn the station when I don't like the programme, or I write to the programme director. (That's me, in this case.)