15/04/2002 - 5:37 p.m.

Mercy. Oh, Oh, Pretty Woman.

Skip this first paragraph, the best is yet to come.

So, the high was 87F (30C) today. I really hope this stops, because, although I like summer, I don't want this to be the cool part of the year, the way it usually is. If July decides to improve on the temperatures to the same margin it usually does, it will be 110F (43C) this time three months from now. Now, not to be whingey, but, I'm not that big a fan of Iowa summers when I know I will be an integral part of it for three straight months. I'm not much of a wuss when it comes to 87F (30C) degrees. For 80F (26C) degree temperatures, I wear jeans all summer long without complaint. 95F (35C), however, is pushing the envelope a tad.

The temperature is not, however, the thing I hate about summer. Not even close.

Here's the scenario. In the wintertime, the girls dress like whores in ass-tight jeans, tank-tops and sandals. In the summertime, the girls dress like whores in short shorts, tube tops, and flip flops. About January, I start to think that girls could not possibly wear tinier more revealing articles of clothing and then... summer hits.

Why don't they just wear a dishcloth and two Post-It!� notes and have done with it? It's a legitimate fashion trend: Post-It!� has already started to make different colours and designs for their wonderful little stickies. All someone would have to do would be to start the trend. They could call them Post-Tits!� (I call it, it's mine, anybody wanting to make some money, you gotta talk to me and Post-It!� first!)

There'd be designer Tits made by Gucci, Armani, and Dior in silks and satins, and regular Tits- your cottons, your polys- and of course your revealing Tits, with the lace and the see through nipple windows. For winter, full wool Tit covers. Swimwear? For the Post-Tits!� there's no such thing. A rainy day? Who needs them? Then, for a quick casual style, go with yellow paper. Business causual? Try beige with letterhead.

Well, really, what's stopping it happening? Certainly not modesty. Certainly not self respect. The majority of fashionable dressers haven't got any of that. May I just point to all of those ugly, ugly, cleavage dresses? "Oh, look, it's my boobies! But you can't see my tits, just loads of spread cleavage which make me look like I've been sliced open for an operation, but that's OK!" Actually, I think Post-Tits!� is a better idea. You can get 'em in gas stations everywhere. The clothing industry will save the millions of dollars wasted by covering the whole woman.

Ladies, celebrate your breasts! Highlight the exclamation points with colour and style like you never have before! Wear Post-Tits!� So alluring, so sexy, you'll have the men taking them off you every night!

Why not?