03/11/2001 - 11:53 p.m.

Closing Night

The show's over. Weird. How can something that's been such a huge part of my life be over and I don't really realise it? I mean, it's my last musical- why am I not as aware of it as I ought to be? I didn't get up to do the typical seniors-crying-over-their-last-musical thing. I didn't have anything to say, and since I don't cry at everything (was completely unphased by this), I decided I could just stay where I was, rather than make a spectacle of myself with my composure. I dunno- I guess I'll say something eventually, but I don't know.

I don't like to get too attached to people (you only end up losing them: they leave, grow to despise, change, or they die), and these seniors, well, I'm not really attached to them at all. There are enough really cool people in drama (I'm sure I've gone on about them quite often), but they're not really my best friends because nobody on either side is really making the effort to be that, sort of. But then, best friends are few and scattered in my life, and a lot of them I'm not even sure of sometimes. Anyway...

Couldn't go to the cast and crew party- parent condemnation. I don't know whether I really would've wanted to go anyway or not. I went sophomore year, wasn't super impressed. Generally, people only go to that before they go do other stuff though, and I'm usually never involved in any of that. Urgh, why am I being so down tonight?

The number for last night was 700 something- almost 750 I think, so with the 300 some from Friday- that's over 1000, and then we've everybody from tonight. That'd be really cool if we had 1500 total, but it's probably less than that.

I puzzle Ren in a good way. I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but if anyone else does... I don't know why, but I have a tendancy to confuse a lot of people. Am I that unfathomable? I don't know what is quintessentially me...