14/11/2001 - 10:09 p.m.

Vanities

I was just thinking, people always tell me I have very long eyelashes. I wonder why? I mean, I don't know that they're all that long, but why would anybody tell me that?

I get told I have really long hair too. Now, that one, I know. I mean, is it in some way possible for me to miss that I've got hair that falls to my waist? People tell me to donate it to the leukemia people, as though I'm looking for something to do with it. It's this long because I like it this way. I couldn't ever have it as short as I did in middle school (people who went to middle school with me don't remember that time, probably for the best) when I shopped it off above my chin. NEVER doing that again, I've got a round face, and it makes me look extraordinarily fat. Plus, I've got very small eyes and a very large brow, which both leave a lot of space open to look fat.

Of course, the answer is make-up. Which is not going to happen. It's fantastic stuff for Halloween or shows (though it feels like I'm wearing a bucket of ooze the whole night), but it's not going to happen. Problem is, every time I wear it, 60 people come up to me and threaten to make me wear it all the time. I just think I look like a China doll (I've got tiny lips too). Nobody's serious, but it kind of ticks me off that nobody has anything to say for me until I put a trowelfull of goo on. Well, then one of my friends is always expecting that I'll break down, and every now and then she'll walk up and look at me really close and go "you're wearing make-up?!" No, I'm not, actually. I don't know what you were seeing, cause, no, I'm not.

I've sort of got pointed ears too. According to some people. Which, in my eyes, that's a redeeming quality. It's really because I haven't got hardly anything in the way of earlobes, so my ears slope down and attach to my head and look like their pointed, but hell, I'll take all the Elvish referances I can have attributed to me.

I get asked if I'm Amish all the time. Um, yeah, because I look SO Amish in my jeans and Beatles shirts...

Those are the only things people ever comment. I'm Amish and I've got pointy ears, long hair, and long eyelashes. Put that together and I sound like a freak.

I guess there's a good reason I've never bothered to consider looks before- I certainly haven't got any.

Sometimes, I wish somebody didn't agree with that, but nobody does. I know I'm about as desirable as a cactus, but well, I don't know.

I don't know why I started down this road. It was going to be a description of myself, because there isn't one on here yet, and it's turned into a moan.

I have to go.