21/02/2002 - 10:40 p.m.

A le fin des reves.

I had it all planned out to show up for the plandromic time and date yesterday, but, I was sort of asleep. Well, close enough, I guess.

I had the craziest dream last night. Absolutely and completely crazy. I was in a car with Maria and Raj and some random girl who reminded me both entirely and not at all of Ren, and also, there was Dorkboy. We drove to Dahls and Maria and pseudo-Ren were all excited because I'd finally got out of the house, but I was miserable because of Dorkboy. You know how you can feel somebody's eyes boreing into your skull? That's what he was doing. So, we wander around Dahls and he's hanging on my every word (even though I'm not talking to him), and following me around. We walk up an aisle and I turn on him to do something really desperate because he's driving me nuts.

All of a sudden, my Hero- seriously, he's a knight in full armour with a white horse and lance and everything, comes riding down the aisle to run Dorkboy through. Only, Dorkboy decides to challenge him and stands there in this stupid karate pose. My Hero runs him through and lets the horse trample him, and just as he's getting off the horse to dismember Dorkboy, I woke up. I really wanted to see the dismembering too.

IHSSA is so absolutely on Saturday. That would make some kind of difference if I had any conception of time. I don't right now. I know it's the 21st, and I know it's Friday tomorrow, and I know that I have 54 days of school left not counting weekends, holidays, or finals, but I have no idea how long any of that time is. I feel like IHSSA is still weeks away, and I have a couple of months until I do all that college stuff. Yeah, not true, but I don't quite understand that concept. I just keep going to class and coming home and going back without really being aware that time is progressing. I'm trapped in my own personal vortex. Pity that real time keeps leaking in.

I hate Voltaire, by the way. I'm not a fan of satire, it's too bloody obvious that they're being pompous gits. I much prefer the use of metaphor in satire, so that you actually have to think about it. In Candide it's so obvious- now we're making fun of this, now we're making fun of that, oh ho ho, aren't we clever? No, not really. Ruddy Voltaire.