09/11/2002 - 12:43 a.m.

Modest to a fault

Hi. I'm not social.

Tonight was a cast/crew party at some place Eric obtained. It was some sort of big deal because it's usually 21 and over. Like I've said before, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I'm not really into the whole "social" thing. I never thought I was, and now I know for dead sure.

The whole deal started about ten to eleven with Mary, Laurie and Melissa trying to order drinks and getting turned down. It sorta went on from there and as everybody of age got drunker they bought drinks for everybody who wasn't. On top of this, we have my aversion to the smell of cigarettes. I've not been around heavy smoke since eighth grade. I am not used to going into a place where there is no air, simply smoke. I can't get the smell out of my nose.

I left at 12:20 when Nate showed up and Soike was on his second, and Laurie and Melissa were trying everyone else's drinks and Dereck was trying to talk somebody into getting him something. Matt and I are the only two in our Fundies class who don't drink or smoke, and Matt's 21, so he could but doesn't.

Most of the people I know want to get me drunk. Thing is, they all want to do it because they think I'd be funny. I know better. I'd just end up being extraordinarily rude and bitter, because that's how I tend to be when I'm "socialising". As my father puts it, I don't like to have fun. As I put it, I love intelligent conversation and thoughts- not "how can I get as soused as possible tonight". That was the topic of conversation, along with types of drinks. I have nothing to offer there.

Leaving that place tonight, walking out into fresh air and the night was the most wonderful feeling I've felt for a while. My mind was in Madison, Wisconsin watching the moon and talking Shakespeare. That's where I belong. Living an eretheral existance with the stars and my dreams. I will always prefer fresh air to smokey rooms and a good sunset to a drink. I'm meant for better things; meant to dwell in moonlight with the faeries.