06/09/2001 - 4:50 p.m.

Deep Blue Funk

Didn't get called back. I don't know how I feel about that yet. I'm not sure if I really care. I'm thinking maybe boycotting the choir and being in the Thespian Festival One Act instead. I can do crews. But then, I really want to be in my senior musical. But then I think about all the dance that's involved. Hmmm, I don't know whether I can take that sort of embarrasment. Maybe I can be the horse. I can deal with that.

There was supposed to be an officers meeting today. Emphasis on supposed. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't want to get down on people, that doesn't help anything, but sometimes...

Obviously I'm getting depressed about everything. I'm waking up in the morning and going "This is the great big fat hairy deal everybody is so excited about?" Why? This sucks. You're expected to be mature and responsible and they still treat you like exactly the same stupid shit you were last year. You're being forced out of the life you know in less than 365 days with very little help or encouragement- despite the typical babble of the counselors that they're here for you. (Here for me, I walk in there and they all sneer and get dirty looks and act EXTREMELY rude.) I am not seeing any perks.

I would so much rather be at camp. Learning experience and exciting times, some of my favorite people in the world (literally) all in one place, cheap movies, food, I mean just basically, life is good. If I could come up with a meaningful existance outside of that, that might be it. (I think college is it though.)

Maybe I just need to lighten up or something...