26/10/2001 - 10:30 p.m.

Another dramatic moan.

We're doing two shows this spring- You're a Good Man Charlie Brown and some sort of straight show or another (and people, that means a non-musical show, not a straight show as in the opposite of a gay show). I don't know what that is going to mean, for me. I really really really want to have more than 14 lines in a show (OK, my record is twenty for the One Act this year, and there IS a monolouge)- all right let's rephrase that, I want to get letter points for a lead role. I want to get the pretty costumes, and have a show bio, and not hear myself refered to "en masse" with the chorus, and to have people just applaud thunderously for me.

Is that too much to ask? I certainly don't think so. It's time for me to get bitched about for being pompous, stuck up, full of myself, and completely unable to comprehend what everybody else in the damn show goes through. Not that I'd do it that way though- in my dreams, I'd be gracious, and serve on crews even though I didn't have to, and be wonderful to crew people and not get snotty, and be responsible for myself and my actions during the show: on time, decorous, friendly, greatful. People would like me, and then, maybe it wouldn't matter I couldn't act, because I'm so nice. Come on, give me the chance to be a lead, because I may never have that chance again. I've been raising my hopes for one every year, and I really really just want to be in one show and get to do all the special magic "lead" stuff. It's not any different than anything I do probably, but I want to do it anyway.

There we go, that's all my discouragement in that department all expended. I wish I were brave enough to do that about everything I get weirded out about... Call me Chicken.