16/01/2002 - 10:26 p.m.

Roger picked up the phone?

I hate to call people. I was going to call Abby to try to work out something about maybe doing our scene tomorrow, since it's the showcase and everything. Between the Varsity and Freshman One Act involvements, neither of us is finding the time.

Anyway, I was going to call her. I've called Glawe's house before, I don't know the number off by heart, but I've done this before. However, today found me by the telephone terrified out of my mind at calling. After I finally convinced myself to actually pick up the phone I had to spend another ten minutes trying to dial the number, and then dialed it halfway through seven times. I gave up. I just couldn't do it. I've heard this is called telephonaphobia, but I don't know anything of its validity or accuracy. (Hydrophobia is not fear of water, it's rabies...)

I don't know why I get like this. It's not a terror or anything, I don't live in dread of having to call people, but, it's just a strong feeling that "I should not be doing this" that I get every now and then. My friend Brandy I can call up, for the most part, at any hour of the day or night, and be totally OK. But that time I called Ren, I stood there for ten minutes making myself do it. When the phone rings, I will not answer it unless I'm certain it's for me, or if there is no one around to get it. People ask me to get phones at school, and I just won't do it. They think I'm weird, but I just can't. I don't like to call people because I might not get who I think I'll get- you can't see them, and some people get overly nasty about accidental phone calls. And when it rings, I don't know who will be on the other side.

I hate ordering at restaurants too. I feel like I'm doing something rude. I can do it when it's a waitress; they come and ask you, but at a fast food line, I feel completely rude: give me this, give me this, give me this- and I want it now!

People tell me I'm crazy.