06/02/2002 - 9:30 p.m.

Are you sure I'm a polar bear? Yes, why? Well, I'm freezing.

In my unphilosophical news, things are going basically OK. I've decided to translate that French short story for Individual IHSSA, and rather than a monolouge, I'm going to do a review. Never done that before. Not sure what to review. Thinking maybe The Great Gatsby, but maybe it's too famous, and maybe they'll think it's just a leftover high school book report. Could do The Silmarillion, but there's very little audience for that, unless they care about Tolkien's process (there must be all of three of us out there). I could do a book, or a movie, or a script, and I don't know which, but I have to come up with something by Friday. So, I guess I'll read over the rules and come up with something.

Tomorrow we're reading Rumors after school. Fun play. For some reason it reminds me of Noises Off, which is funny, because they're not really similar at all.

I love it when choreography doesn't leave me in tears. How funny that something like that could manage it, but, well, it's very disgusting to go through life with miserable co-ordination when musicals are looked upon (in the theatre world) as wonderful things. I've never been one for Disney movies turned musical or Andrew Lloyd Webber. Please don't have me shot, but that's the way it is. I don't like Rodgers and Hammerstein much either (I mean come on, "we've all had a real nice clam bake"???). But anyway, Charlie Brown stuff is going, for the first day, rather nicely, it's not hard, it's just a case of lack of style and grace on my part and maybe that'll be passed off as acting. Fingers crossed!

I hold dance-y people in very high regard. I would love to learn how to dance. I love to dance, OK, let's rephrase that, I love ballroom dancing. I hate the way dancing is done now- where you squash yourself as close as possible to somebody and go out and sway rhythmically to music. Zach Sandler has said that dancing is like vertical sex, but I don't think he meant it quite so literally as that. But the problem is that I cannot do any proper type of dancing. I don't step on people, I just haven't got that thing that seperates dancers from the rest of us- that sort of, I'm having a good time and don't I look damn good?

My favourite scene in Bye Bye Birdie? The very end when Rosie and Albert waltz. That's the only scene I like in the whole show, really.

I'm a sucker for sweet stuff like that. Old guys in sweaters who dance, I love that. I love those sweaters all British men seem to own, they're those big knit sweaters, gray or green or blue, with no pattern and very little actual form to them (no patterning at the collar and cuffs).

OK, I don't need to start waxing romantic, I've done enough of that. I've been reading Tennyson. Not good for me. It's my senior year and I'm in the middle of Iowa, freedom is so close, and yet so far that all I'm doing is thinking up the things I want to do, but I can't do them and that's having this adverse effect on me.

Shiloh's grandmother died. I heard from Andy. It occurs to me how much I both like and dislike Shiloh. Or rather, how much I like Shiloh, but dislike the things she does. I really wish we had stayed friends. We never had a falling out, we just, never spoke to each other anymore. No malice, just, she went into show choir and divaness and I didn't. Plus, she was older than me. I tend to get on with people younger than me anyway.

Maura's sister is in my French class, and she apologises for Maura, Marnie, and Amber. I think they're great. A little loud, and a little too weird from time to time, but I really do like them. I'm such a big fan of all the juniors, I might give a damn about senior stuff if I could graduate with them. However, I don't really fit in with them, it's just kind of a weird thing, we accept you and we like you, but well, you're not us. I get on very well with most grown-ups with moderate intelligence.

I could keep going, but I don't want to embarass somebody (he knows who he is, ought to at least).