12/12/2002 - 4:12 p.m.

You'll shoot your eye out!

December used to take forever. From December 1st, it was days and days and days until school was on holiday and then even more days until the actual event itself. A Christmas Story says it best "Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas around which the entire kid year revolved."

Actually, speaking of that movie, I first saw it in elementary school when my unwitting third grade teacher rented it because she saw an edited version on the television. She turned it off just after this scene, "Only I didn't say 'Fudge.' I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the 'F-dash-dash-dash' word!", because "that hadn't been in the movie SHE had watched". I didn't understand why she turned it off until the second time I saw the movie, four years later. Anybody in my third class who didn't know, didn't know, and anybody who knew didn't need the movie turned off. Heck, at the time, we were older than Ralphie, we should've known.

Anyway, Christmas was the central reason for living. In the middle of summer, I would pose questions as to how far off it was. This was so annoying to my parents that it landed me with calanders for Christmas presents, but then I could count up myself. Christmas was the time for dreams and wishes and everything you've wanted since last Christmas to come true. Christmas was a holiday of the most beautiful, liberal sort.

Then, I turned 12, and I discovered for certain what I had feared to be true since first grade- there was no Santa Claus. Yes, twelve. I had a little brother and they didn't want to spoil it for him- there was no telling me without telling him. That same year, I received a hair dryer for Christmas. Never give a twelve year old a hairdryer. I was so angry, I wanted toys and books, and yes, I got those, but there was a hairdryer. This thing was indicitive of the boring presents the grownups gave each other, and everyone had been told that upon entering the sixth grade we were "grown up and mature". That meant boring Christmas presents, that meant a hairdryer. Who wants to grow up if all you get is a hairdryer?

The real reason I received it was because I was going on a lot of trips that year and, always having had long hair, I needed to dry my hair when I wasn't at home. But still, I was in no mood to get such a thing as a GIFT.

Today, in my old childish reckoning, should be much closer to the start of the holidays than it is. In reality, it's a week yet until I am out of school, and there are still more days until Christmas. Although, this year, I'm not really looking forward to the holiday all that much. However, I have a few anticipations before that. I'm probably investing more hope in them than is truly sensible, but I'm not one for sensible thoughts, so all is as it should be.