30/09/2002 - 12:57 p.m.

But in dreams

I actually went to bed earlier than this. I just woke up from what is not really an incredible dream, but for me it was so completely different than most dreams I have. I just have to write it down.

The first bits I forget (already) but then I'm in some store or another trying on dresses (me!). I try a dress on, it's green and filmy and faerieish. I show the people who were with me how I look. They all gasp and tell me that it looks absolutely gorgeous. I look in the mirror, and it's true. It fits perfectly and looks wonderful on me.

I go back in and try on another dress. This is really a skirt and shirt of a black material with silver sparkles in it- like glitter, except that it's a part of the fabric, so it shimmers when I move. I go out and everyone gives the same response as before. I look in the mirror to see that the dress has actually made me look completely differently. Perhaps this is just me, but I have a completely different idea of what I look like than what I see when I look in a mirror. To myself I am much taller and liether than I actually am- I am not shortwaisted. (People say this means nothing, that's crap, it means that from the waist up you look terribly short and fat, but if you see my legs as well I look taller and thinner.) My face is thinner and smoother (meaning more sallow than round). In general, I am everything that I am, except that the dress has made me look the way I see myself in my mind.

I keep making all these sketches of dresses that just fail to suit me. I can't even see in my head what I'd like. I want something that is reminiscent of Galadriel's dress, but not so long, nor so low in the neck, nor embroidered white. So, nothing like that, but everything like that.

It is a dress of an indescriminate delicate blue, changing shades depending on the angles, lights, and my movements. It has a gently scooped neckline that comes no where near to baring my cleavage. The sleeves are about two or three inches shorter than 3/4 length, and are very loose. Depending on my moods it has either an empire waist or an A line, or no waist at all (the way a nightgown hasn't a waist). It bears little or no ornamentation and I wear with it a pair of black shoes, something I've yet to find to go with a dress that doesn't exist.

Anyway, any attempts to bring this dream into any sort of representational reality are completely and utterly fruitless. It's getting bothersome.

I found a braiding site, and unfortunately, I need eyes in the back of my head. The bad thing about my hair is that most braids require starting at the head part of your hair, and I'm not dextrous enough to see the back of my head and follow instructions at the same time.

Well, good night.