31/08/2002 - 5:40 p.m.

Motorcars, handlebars, bicycles for two, broken hearted jubilee.

I went out to do some shopping today. If there's anybody up there watching (or, what the hell, out there reading), will they please make sure that I do not attempt that one again???

This morning I woke up at 10:30 and could not go back to sleep. (Thank you Polly for assuring that I was in bed by 11 most nights.) Well, this is a bit of a trouble as they don't start the breakfast thing until 11:30. Now, this may be very well and good for all those strung out hungover partiers, but for those of us who aren't, we need to eat of a morning, damn it!

So I thought I may as well ride my bike down to the mall and places in Cedar Falls, I have things I need to get anyway, I can just add food to the list.

I've not exactly ridden my bike in a real street full of real moving cars before. And you know what, it's scary as hell. I kept to the little streets as best I could until I reached DUN DUN DUNNNN! the car park! Every single store and dining establishment in the greater Cedar Falls area is clustered in and around the car park of the College something (perhaps street, square) mall. Wal-Mart, Hy Vee, Taco Bell, Kohls, the mall, Carlos O'Kelly's, Wells Fargo and so much more- they're all right there in DUN DUN DUNNNN the car park.

Somehow, I made it through alive. Went to the Wal-Mart and wandered through the mall. The mall is just exactly patterned after the North Grand Mall in Ames, right down to the ceiling decorations and the crappy fountain. I was scared.

So, I thought that I'd see if there was a Goodwill in this town or not. I consulted the phone book in Wal-Mart, and yes, there was a Goodwill. It was located on University Street. OK, so the question was: Where was I? Finding out required crossing back over the car park and seeing if I could find a street sign. Or at least getting close enough that it wasn't a green rectangular smear in the sky. The car park was that massive. Seriously, seriously massive. Bigger than a normal city block.

Without getting too seriously run over I discovered that I was on University. However, the Goodwill must have been the only store in the whole area that wasn't sitting in the car park, because I certainly couldn't see it. It occured to me to ride along the street, or at least walk, but there were no sidewalks. This car park had made it clear, this was America, and there are no pedestrians.

I never did find Goodwill, but now my legs hurt and I'm hot and have really very little to show for my stupid stupid journey. Next time, I'm taking the bus.

My mother's worried about me. She called both my mobile and the phone in my room. (Well, she wasn't worried about me until after she called.) She called about some credit card that I never applied for. Well, let's put it this way...

The day before I left, my brother came running up to tell me that my roommate was on the phone. I had been told before that she was slightly difficult to understand, so I got on the phone. Understand also that I hate telephones, and equally hate having to ask people to clarify what they say.

The person on the phone was not my roommate, but some Jamaican woman offering me a credit card. I had taken my brother at his word and so had been answering a few questions with the thought that it was my roommate. Suddenly, it occured to me what the accent was. No way. I enquired as to the nature of the call. Visa. Oh shit. I tried to get rid of her, and in the end just hung up on her.

Now I get a message from my mother informing me that a credit card has arrived. Is it any wonder I sound drained? I hate money. I really do. I hate money and all the shitty problems that go along with it- taxes, interest, credit cards, all of that. I never know exactly what is going on with money. I have no idea how I will ever buy a car what with all the APR crap I don't have the foggiest about...

Anyway, so I was just worrying about how that was going to get sorted out and what it could possibly mean. On top of this, I'm very tired, and I also don't really want to speak to my mother. So, yes, I was not a beaming ray of sunshine. I didn't catch on what she was thinking until after she'd asked me what I'd been doing, and when she worked out that Polly and I are not what one might call best friends, and when she discovered I hadn't seen anyone I know (Shiloh and Jess don't count), and when she asked if I liked my classes. That's when the oh shit lights turned on in my head. I don't need her worrying about me because it only increases her chances of asking me and of my chances that I'll start to think I'm not OK.

However, I am fine. In spite of yesterday's rambles of a lack of conversations I'm fine. I don't go out in search of people anyway, and I'm not accustomed to going out and doing things with people, so she shouldn't think anything is wrong.

Now I'm just upset because I know exactly what she's doing.

I bought glow stars today and am in the process of looking for a good star chart to stick them on the ceiling with. I think I'll only be able to manage the polar constallations, but, we'll see.