14/09/2002 - 11:34 p.m.

Oh, Grumpy, I didn't know you cared.

Unless you've been a denizen of camp with me, this won't make much sense, although the message does, in a way.

I just finished reading over the memory book from camp. You know, I really did have fun, and I liked it a lot more than I though I had when I came home.

Looking at it now, I know that next year my name will not directly follow Turtle's, and the pool staff will all be entirely new, I know that there will be new Internationals, and I know that rules and traditions will change. Perhaps for better, perhaps for worst.

The worst thing about growing up with a camp is that you know as well as the campers do how everything works and what happens, and you don't want it to change, just like the campers don't. But it has to, like everything else. There are no time warps in this world.

Bits and pieces.
People.
People important to you,
People unimportant to you
Cross your life, touch it with love and move on.
There are people who leave you and you breathe a sigh of relief,
And wonder why they ever came into contact with you.
There are people who leave you and you breathe a sigh of remorse
And wonder why they had to go away and leave such a gaping hole.
Children leave parents.
Friends leave friends.
Acquaintances move on.
People change homes.
People grow apart.
Enemies hate and move on.
Friends love and move on.
You think on the many who have moved into your hazy memory.
You look on those present and wonder.
I believe in God's master plan in life.
He moves people in and out of each other's life
And each leaves a mark on the other.
You find you are made up of bits and pieces of all those
Who ever touched your life.
And you are more because of it --
And you would be less if they had not touched you.
Pray God (done in true Bear fashion) that you accept the bits and pieces and wonder,
And never question,
And never regret.
Bits and pieces.
Bits and pieces.

I know, this doesn't sound like me. This isn't usually me. But tonight, after re-reading the memory book, I know that this is a part of me. But I still can't make up my mind: do I stay, do I go back? The hell no's are gaining on the maybe's, and I don't want to be a hell no, but I don't want to be there without some of the hell no's.