30/03/2003 - 11:53 p.m.

How good it can be.

I feel as if I'm living in a glow. Everything is warm and rose tinted and I'm just passing through it all.

This means that I have nothing to write, but it also means that whilst passing through this euphoria, I'm going to slip and do something incredibly stupid and I will end up with a mess worth writing about.

I missed No Shame the other night, which I feel bad about, it looked like it was a good show. I've got to get started on my last piece for this year before the Best of No Shame (hereafter reffered to as BONS).

I have to get all my paperwork around for staying here this summer. Absolutely have to, because otherwise I'll have to go home. That could end in nothing better than the contraction of a terrible case of Emily Dickinson Syndrome.

At the moment, I am living until Friday night at seven o clock. I am just as happy not to have to wait on the postman every two weeks. In fact, it's better than waiting on the postman. Besides, it's getting me over my fear of telephones, which it pretty good in and of itself. I don't care what anybody else says to me about how crazy I might be, something about this just seems oh so right.

Today I went to Slaughter City, directed by Janie and Katie F-S. It was a pretty good show, a story about labour unions and race and sex discrimination- it takes place in a slaughter house. Very good show, but I don't feel it was as powerful as it could've been. There were some things that were very Katie F-S-esque (she read poetry at No Shame), and there was a lot of beat and flow, just like Katie's poetry, which was really very wow, but it just didn't do it all the way for me. I felt it could've gone farther, taken more risks (because it's a risky script), and it didn't. However, I saw the closing show, so that could've had something to do with it, but I think there was something missing.

I'm not certain where I've inherited this love for dangerous theatre recently. Probably from No Shame. Probably from Q. Probably from myself too. I want to get out and do things, to take chances, make mistakes, get messy, (as she of Magic School Bus fame says), and I want that from my theatre as well. However, I'm uncertain about the line between just taking risks simply for the sake of taking risks, and risking within the world of the play.

I looked at my passport picture the other day. It was taken when I was 16, almost 17. I look terribly young. I can't place the difference between that girl, and who I am now, but there is one.

I've been so interested in how things change recently. I never notice the grass grow green and the stars travel across the sky, but they do it all the same, ever changing ever moving, even as I watch. I do the same thing, and I want to capture it. Recently I've been wondering how sucessful it might be to take pictures of the same things at the same time every day from the same angel. I could finish a couple of rolls of film and see exactly how the place changed day by day. I want to pin down the difference a day can make. Even my diary entries don't include everything the day brings me. I go back to find out when something happened, and I discover that at the time, it wasn't important enough to write down. How did it become important? What changed? I want to know.