30/01/2003 - 5:17 p.m.

Freedom's just another word

Richard Harris sang MacArthur Park. I am not certain if I should have more respect for him, or less after learning this. Granted, that has not been what anyone considers the best song in the history of the world, but everyone knows of it. I, however, did like the song even before I knew it was Richard Harris. Ahh, he was King Arthur, nothing competes with that.

I am getting slightly worried about my collarbone. I bruised the left side of it two days ago when I dropped a corner of a platform on myself. It still hurts, in fact, it hurts more now than it did when I dropped it on myself. However, that's not the worrying part. The worrying part is that now the left side of the bone doesn't stick out as far as the right side. Now, this could be normal. I can't say I've ever paid attention to the sticky-outy-ness of my collarbone. So I'm worried about that.

We did an exercise for Acting II today, sort of an imaginary vacation directed by Richard. We were to close our eyes and travel to a vacation island, it could be however we wanted it to be. I landed on a starlit night on a rocky shore. The island was entirely a forest blanketed with snow. At that point, Richard said, we were supposed to see someone we loved very much coming along down the shore towards us. No problems there, but then we were supposed to envision and see like they were there every last detail about them- sound of their voice, what they smell like, feel of their touch.

I can't do that. I could do that with people I know here, but I can't come up with those details for the person I love most in the world. I really have only fuzzy bits of memory and a familiarity with a writing style. As distinctive to me as Austen or Dickens, I could pick it out from a whole pile of works.

As a result, I've been down to the postbox seven times today and to the Greyhound website four times. And now I'm listening to Arlo Guthrie's City of New Orleans and ME and Bobby McGee. I want to get out of here, to actually go on that vacation. I want to take someone by the hand and say "Come on, let's go," and set off who knows where for adventures and a good time. I want to see the oceans and stand on the mountains under the stars. I want to walk through the neon lit cities and stay out until the sun rises behind the skyscrapers. I want to see the world, I want to experience the world. I want to get out and live without a care for where I'm going or where I've been or where I need to be. But there checks to be mailed and bills to be paid. There are classes to attend and homework to do. So, thanks Richard.

I strongly suspect that I shouldn't go to the Icehouse party after No Shame tomorrow. At the moment I'm not too sure that I wouldn't end up doing something illegal. However, I want to do something this week, it's sort of passed and I've not really been aware of its passing. I want to have some fun, and I do have fun talking to people.