10/09/2001 - 7:42 p.m.

College???

I don't know why I have to decide what to do with my life now. I mean, I don't KNOW what I want to do for the rest of my life, I don't know where I want to go (just out of this bloody state), and I don't know that I really want to spend all kinds of money to find the answers to these questions three years down the road either. However, it's pretty obvious from reading college student's diaries that none of them know either, and most of them are turning twenty. So, at least we'll all be alike.

I don't get it. They've been on about college in gigantic capital letters for ages, since we were in fifth grade: who's going to college? Well, when were we supposed to work out where that was going to be and why? I mean, you can't expect hormone filled teenagers (especially not GIRLS) to make up their minds about anything to any degree of finality. If nothing else, we're all getting much more confused because all the assholes keep making us grow up so fast.

OK, maybe little 14 year old Juliet was capable of being in love with Romeo, but what "sane and rational" way did she go about dealing with it? She killed herself! Most parents don't like letting their kids out of the house of nights because they're afraid of their bad judgement: why are they forcing them to choose their futures?

Ideally, I don't know if I'd do college. I'd like to travel and write and stuff, which is impractical, unfortunately. I guess I may as well go to college and get the Theatre Major, but then what do I do with it? Act, direct, write, a couple other things. I can't do that on my own. It sounds awful, but sometimes I wish I could garauntee I would just marry somebody to support me so I wouldn't have to worry.

I just did this college search thing, and it can't find anything for me. It simply can't find colleges to suit me. I don't know. I guess I'm just filling in what sounds good, and it doesn't go together. I don't know.

Ugh. I've got piles of homework to do, and it's 8:00, so I guess I'd better go and try to do them. Econ, that's such a bitch. And Mr. Westendork ain't much better (like Drew Carey except less funny and more pathetic).