02/01/2002 - 3:11 p.m.

Anamalia

I was laying awake at two AM last night (yeah, never mind having to get up at ten o clock or anything), and it occured to me that I have very specific desires for pet names.

All biggish male dogs ought to be named Tristan, female dogs (I keep typing gods, geeze) should be given natural names or old lady names (which in some cases is the same thing)- Agnes, Lily, Fern, Pearl, Autumn. Smaller dogs of either sex may be named as their descriptions lend- Puny, Yip, Squirt, Tiny -or as their heritage, Pekes called Fung-Shu, Chiuahuahs (sp?) called Pepe or Juan, toy poodles called Fifi and Gigi and so forth. If you're going to have a toy pet, give it a toy name.

Cats should not be named, the word Cat should be sufficient, but upon the desire, they need shortish mysterious (cheifly Egyptian) names Isis, Aura, Ra, Luna, etc. Cats don't desire cuddly friendly names- it's not a part of their nature.

All rodent-y creatures, hampsters, ferrets, etc. should be given long robust names- Agammemon, Seigfried, Marmaduke, Rochester, Persephone, Alexandria. Hedgehogs should have proper English names- Thomas, Christopher, Maxwell, James, Rebecca, Olivia, Lydia.

Fish should not be named unless there are less than five or if they stick out in a tank (one angelfish in a tank of guppies, for example) and they should have simple female names (regardless of sex) like Judy, Marie, Wanda, Amy, Jill, Trudy. This does not apply to Betas, which must have oriental names.

Birds may be given cute names, but really need either very normal names, or slightly abnormal ones- Peter or Furgus, and Melissa or Shiobhan. Birds that can talk should be given a name they will be able to pronounce easily.

All reptiles and amphibians should have biblical names, often those used to refer to the Devil, but Elijah and Noah are good too, specially for Turtles and Frogs.

Horses need to have majestic names. Under no circumstances should any horse have to bear the name Porkchop (it's too late, but I'm trying to change the world for the future). Past Kings (real and fictional) names are good, but so are things like Shadowfax and Eranor. If they're not going to be racehorses, past racehorse names are good too- Dan Patch, Rob Roy, etc. If it comes to it, colour referances are OK too, Noir or Cloud, or Caramel (not Marshmallow).

In farm animals, if they're being named, females should be named after flowers, and males after mythological creatures. Bulls named Hercules and such.

At the end of this little thought (because at that hour of the morning I'd run out of common pets), I tried to come up with names for humans- nothing. Hmmm.