25/01/2002 - 9:48 p.m.

You blockhead!

Cosmos and Stimpy just called. In case anybody who sees them more often than I do is here, let them know what a bitch my mother is because that's not something I can explain too well over the phone with her in the next room. They called cause Cos and her boyfriend (wonder when that happened and which one it is?) drove in from Ames and it's 9:30 on a Friday night and did I want to go someplace with them? Well, of course, as the regulars know, the answer is no. Rather than ask, I just told them (because the outcome would've been the same) that I couldn't and it was because my parents wouldn't let me, so they whined at me.

Now the whining at me... that's the bit that ticked me off- it's not as though I have any say against the things my parents mandate. Up to a point, I do, if I want a bag of cookies, begging might get me something. If I want to leave the house at 9:30 on a Friday to do "nothing" with people my mother only knows from my comments, there's no way that answer's gonna change. I rarely get to go places with people she does know if it's been arranged ahead of time. I explained this to them, to which they decided that apparently I wasn't trying hard enough, I just wanted to desert them for some cool kids. Well, guys, it's not going to happen, the cool kids asked me to go to a movie with them, and I knew then that it was pas question. Anybody who calls me up at this hour is definately gonna get the same answer: I'm not allowed.

I'm pissed mostly cause they couldn't just let it go. It's not like it's my decision and I'm happy about it. They don't need to rub it in. I can't help that I have parents who understand popular culture even less than I do. I at least know it's important to remain out at all hours on Friday and Saturday- I don't know why, but one simply should, that's all. My parents don't grasp the concept from the beginning. "What is there to do at this hour anyway?" "I don't know." "Then why are you wanting to go?" "Because I'm supposed to." "Well, you're not going. It's 9:30, you don't want to go anywhere that late, it's not safe." That was tonight's conversation.

In reply to all of this sort of conversation, I would turn back to the receiver to hear "why can't you sneak out?", "we won't get you drunk", "we'll bring you back whenever" (that would be 9:30), "they can call every ten minutes", "you're almost 18 for Christ's sake, aren't you old enough to make your own decisions?" Well, I see the point, but it just isn't going to happen. I understand that there is a certain point at which even asking is grounds for long rational explanations on my part and deep discussion on the part of the grown ups.

I am just going to stay a loser my whole damn life and die old and boring and dead with one single (pathetic) story of teenage familial rebellion.

Made both call back lists. I feel sorry for Marnie though. I wish she'd gotten a part, but, well, she did have one, and she can have another in one or two more years. It sucks that there are all the Mary Hardings in this world, but, well, apparently that's part of the way things work. I wish now that I'd had a student director job at one point, so I could maybe have an insight to the logic and secrets of casting. It's too late to find it out now.

As for me, I got called back for, er, Stacy and Yolanda for HAM (heh heh) and Patty/Freida/Violet for Charlie Brown. I got a standing ovation for my Charlie Brown call back. I really didn't think it'd been all that good- we were supposed to introduce ourselves as ourselves and as the character we were called back for ("I've been called back for the tri-polar role, but this extraction will be Patty", and it continued from there). I'll post the results on Monday when they're up.