12/02/2002 - 9:48 p.m.

You say it's your birthday.

Yes, I do, because it is. At 12:15 (Central) today, I turned 18.

My morning was actually pretty shitty. I had to skip out on the (required for grade) choir rehearsal to do Singing Valentine sales, and subsequently received a Walag hissy fit for it. You know what, it's my 15 points little man. I'll do what I like with it, and as long as what I chose to do saves Glawe having cause to get upset and give lots of people reasons to go on about Thespians shortcomings, I don't much care.

But from third period on, things got better. I have some of the best friends in the world. Maria should get together with my friend Theresa, I can't work either of them out- one day I hate them, one day I love them. Really, guys, you're all fabulous and I love you.

It's kind of funny, I've spent the last 18 years trying not to grow up, and it's happened anyway. People tell me I look and act both much much older and much much younger than I actually am. I have lived under none of the typical teenaged stereotypes (car, job, drugs, alcohol, sex, wild parties), and now, I've completely passed through childhood. The halfway point in my life is age 9.

Hobbits had it right, they didn't officially grow up until after they hit their 'tweens'. I will probably live to the age of 85, 18 is just under a fifth of my life. The other four fifths will be spent being officially legal. Why are we in such a hurry to grow up? Why don't they let children be children?

Reality is such a scary thing. I'm not sure of very much of it at all. I don't really know what to do about it all. I have a lot of thoughts, but I don't know whether they're just silly dreams, or whether they're viable ideas. I'm both excited and terrified at leaving this little world that I understand- I loathe, but I know how to function in it so that no harm comes to me. I can't say the same thing about reality. I'm not saying I retreat back to my parents when I'm in trouble, but I certainly understand that I have not exactly been raised to accept and realise how things work in "the real world", and she and I could have some major arguments when I'm out there.

However, at the moment, I am really optimistic. I want everything to be as idealist as possible. I do believe that I could do just about anything I wanted to, and that there are wonderful things that haven't happened to me yet. Obviously, this is not the end, it's the beginning. There is still so much to see and do, and I'm not really all that close minded that I won't recognise it when I see it. Things are looking up, and anyway, when I leave my front gate tomorrow, who really knows what could happen? Anything is possible.

Well, I'm 18, and it's been a pretty good day, all things considered. I'd have it over again in a second if I could- even the concert. It wasn't the best, but I semi-believe it's Friday now, which will kick me in the morning. Well, we do get out early tomorrow. I can deal with that.

This should explain things a little better. I didn't even try to bias the quiz results, it just came up this way.

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?