14/01/2003 - 9:09 a.m.

He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

The person in history I'm most glad I'm not: Jesus's little brother James. Half the time the poor guy doesn't even get credit as being his brother, and the other half the time he's rendered a half brother, born to Joseph's other wife Mary (the Catholics thought that up, don't ask me).

How would you feel, living in the shadow of God's son and having to be his little brother? I'll bet he got picked on at school, "Ha ha! James isn't the son of God!" What can you do when your brother is born with all the fame and fortune, and all you can do is be remembered by association?

Think of the expectations his parents must've had for him. When she was angry with him, Mary'd probably say to him, "James, what are you doing with your life? Look at your brother now, he's healing people by touching them and making them follow him around the desert looking for salvation and to do right and everything. He's giving people a livelihood, and what are you doing? Nothing. I haven't seen you perform any miracles since you were born, and Jesus was doing it since before he was born. Why can't you be more like your big brother?"

Think of the self esteem issues he must've had. I mean, here was his brother, literally born into God's grace, and then here he was. Talk about an unfair start. An injustice like that sure wouldn't make me a big fan of this God fellow, he's a bloody favouritist- picking out who gets to turn water into wine and cure lepers and everything. What makes Jesus so special anyway? What's he got that James ain't got? Ohhh, so mum was a virgin when she had him, right, prove that story, could you please?

But, in spite of all his jealousy and doubts, he has to pretend to be this big religious guy and all, you know, because he's Jesus's brother- wouldn't look good if he didn't love God. Yeah, I'm definately glad I'm not James.